sodomymcscurvylegs:

Being an adult is realizing that $5,000 is a lot of money to owe and very little money to own.

Pussy put his ass to sleep, now he callin’ me NyQuil

— William Shakespeare (via camerongermain)

me meeting a bumble bee

  • me: I respect you
  • bumble bee: Merci

rib-caged:

I hate when guys are like “oh you’re not one of those girls that’s going to order a salad for dinner are you?” MAYBE I AM. MAYBE I FUCKING LIKE SALADS. HAVE YOU EVEN TASTED RASPBERRY VINAIGRETTE. 

Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want.